First Thoughts of Optimism
by Minstrel of Ages
Summary: [Oneshot] The first sign of optimism was a ray of hope in his mind. He was never used to this feeling of hope. It was rare, just like seeing Lily upset. Of course, that feeling bothered him just as much. Drabbleish.


_**w e ' v e . h a d . o u r . p r o b l e m s . –**_

_**(But I'm on your side…)**_

Not a day went by that he did not regret what he did two years ago.

Poor Severus Snape would never forgive himself for those events, and he would never let go the fact that he lost the one thing that mattered the most. Although it was only friendship, he held it dear. She was the only one who could make him smile and laugh like everyone else. Anyone else who tried to follow her act would receive his trademark sneer and glare. Not even the people he considered to be his friend.

No one could ever shine that same light upon him.

The seventh year Slytherin was forced into the shadows as Lily began to distance herself from him. He would not let her go just yet, and the idea of her being out of his life was far too difficult to comprehend in his mind and heart. He noticed several things he did not like, but he could do nothing about it. She spends more time with that group who mocked him so, the people who called themselves the Mauraders. She would smile and laugh, just as she used to do with him.

What disgusted him the most was the fact that it was usually centered upon the one person he absolutely _dreaded._ That awful James Potter.

To see him happy with _her!_ _His _Lily!

Jealousy crawled under Severus' skin quite easily after the fifth year. At hearing Lily insult him, he would be relieved. But nowadays, he noticed that she was happy spending time with him.

He had to do something. But what? She no longer saw him as a friend, and he knew that deep down that she never considered him to be anything more. Severus was always the pessimist, after all. But, what good would that do? He could not ask anyone for advice, considering the fact that all of his other 'friends' were heartless when it came to topics like this.

It all came down to himself doing something. That one faithful day that would haunt him for the longest time.

Severus had finally decided to come clean. What could he possibly lose at this point? Perhaps if he confessed that he still felt guilty of an event that occurred two years ago, perhaps maybe…maybe…

The first sign of optimism was a ray of hope in his mind. He was never used to this feeling of hope. It was rare, just like seeing Lily upset. Of course, that feeling bothered him just as much. To be so hopeful…what would happen if this backfired?

He pushed that option to the back of his mind, glaring at a nearby piece of paper. Several piles of crumpled parchment were scattered through the ground, while Severus tried to come up with the perfect way to state his confession. Nothing seemed right. Every word he wrote just seemed so shallow. Poetry was far too cliché for him. It was definitely not his style to go Shakespeare on her.

Finally, after long hours of scribbling words on paper, he finally came up with a good enough confession. He knew that this one could have been worse than others he had written, but it had the most truth to it. Two years was a long time, and the only thing that had to be said was the truth. He was putting it all on the line, after all. He stuffed the confession into his potions book and went off. He had no time to care about whether the ink would stain his notes. This was far more important than any class.

He held his breath as he walked down the hallway in search of his old friend. How would this go? Would he just stop her in the middle of the hallway, asking to speak to her alone? Well, it was really the only option at the time. It had to be, much to how much he dreaded the thought of other girls being with her. Or worse, the Mauraders.

"James, where are we going?"

That voice caught his attention, his sharp gaze turning directly to his right to a couple nearby the stone wall. Quickly, he clutched his book and hid behind the wall. Slowly inching towards the edge to peek over, the next sight was something he wished he hadn't stuck around for.

"It was hard to get away from Peter. He's been clinging onto me ever since that test ended." James said to Lily, grinning as he spoke of one of the other boys in the group. Lily giggled.

"Well, you're like an older brother to him." Lily said sweetly.

'_What are they doing back here?_' Severus thought to himself in horror. Away from the other Mauraders? Away from the school in general?

"I suppose." James said. "But we're alone now. A moment of peace every now and then is nice, right?" he asked her.

"Oh please. Knowing you, you used to enjoy the times when you were the source of the noise." Lily joked.

That was the tone she used to make when joking _him. _Severus did not want to watch this, but his eyes were glued on the couple with horror.

James laughed. "I've matured, haven't I, Lily?" James asked. Severus could hear a hint of hope in his voice.

"I suppose so, James." Lily said, soon accompanied by her giggle as James wrapped her arms around her.

'_This…this can't be happening._' Those thoughts of optimism were dashed for good. Looming in the shadows, Severus drew away from the couple and fell to his knees. They were dating? No, she was dating _him? _Severus wanted to cease their happy moment, but he was far too saddened to even stand up. The hopeless boy began to sob, opening his potions book and removing the confession. He ripped it up into several pieces, wiping his eyes soon after.

"Oh, we'd better hurry to class!" Lily's soon panicked voice was heard, making Severus freeze. "I don't want to be late!" James smiled at her worried tone.

"Yeah, we should go." James sounded disappointed to lose his moment alone. Grabbing her hand, the two scurried off in a different direction.

Severus was left alone in the shadows, crying to himself.

That first thought of optimism was his last, and those moments of sitting in the shadows, attempting to hold back tears never ceased.

_**y o u ' r e . a l l . i . n e e d –**_

_**(Please believe in me…)**_

**(Author's Notes: So, after I read HP: DH, I had fallen in love with the SS/LE pairing. It's so sad. D: I cried twice during that chapter. So, I just had to write this. I also based this off of a piece of fanart I saw. It's my desktop, since it's quite lovely. I found it on Deviantart, and I believe it was called 'Reject' by snapesnogger. Credits go to them for making such awesome art. –thumbs up- Oh, and the lyrics on the top and bottom are from Phil Collin's 'Something Happened on the Way to Heaven'. My favorite song ever. It matches, doesn't it? I'll stop ranting now.) **


End file.
